was one of those days. The good ones. My sister and I spent the day running errands with all the windows open, blaring some old songs that brought back some great memories. The sun was hot and it was just a glimpse of what the summer could hold. It was full of potential and hope, and it made everything else fade away.
The past two weeks I felt nothing short of a stranger in my own skin, being hard on myself and on other people. Everything that could go wrong, did, and each day I struggled to put on a mask of a happy face. Despite finishing school for the semester and doing fairly well, I was not excited. Maybe it was the weather, maybe it was the fighting, but whatever it was, I was over it.
Then yesterday, I saw the light (literally) and it opened up my eyes (can we just stop *pause* and think about how I just used song lyrics?…alright, continue). I stayed busy all day, and Tyla and I accomplished everything on our list of things to do. By the time we got home, we were both exhausted but we continued on with our plans. Sitting outside with a frozen margarita, we watercolored. It was simple and something I haven’t done in years (middle school perhaps?), and thats the way it made me feel. Young and carefree. I embraced it, sitting there soaking up the sun and the beginnings of summer just within grasp. What was supposed to be a brief pause turned into a little nap on the sofa outside listening to country music and finishing up my sweet drink. The sun had set, but my mood had not. Tyla and I finished our night by spending time with friends, standing/sitting around and talking and just enjoying one another’s company. It was one of those days you just feel alive, and can’t believe that it ever has to end. Not because it was out of this world amazing, but because it offers hope and its so normal that its attainable.
I can’t wait for more days like that…
Pretty days make me melt.
GPOY.
I should be writing 4 papers, on The Roman Empire, Aristotle vs. Plato’s views on politics, The rise of Feudalism in the Middle Ages, and Alexander the Great. But instead, I sit and stare at my computer. Good job Jamie.
- The list of things I need to accomplish keeps on growing (probably because I’m not completing anything)
- The security guard at school let me, some kids from my class & two other boys stay and watch the Flyers game (overtime) tonight, that was nice of him.
- I’m not loosing weight as fast as I’d like and this is frustrating me beyond belief.
- I’m nervous about this summer.
- I hate that I just became such good friends with everyone in my Wednesday night class and now it’s over in two weeks. I’m actually not looking forward to it at all.
- I should have signed up for summer classes.
- II wonder why I’ve been lied to so much lately.
- There’s nothing on TV right now and I can’t sleep.
- I’ve watched all of the movies on my list, and I don’t have any for a new list.
- My text messages haven’t been working on my phone for the past 2 days and I’ve taken this as “everyone’s ignoring me” and it’s put me in a really bad mood.
- I’m tired of how I look. But there’s not much I can change other than my hair and I don’t know what to do to it.
- I really miss you, but I feel like I’m not supposed to talk about it.
- I can’t believe you made such a major decision so quickly. I’m trying to be happy for you but I don’t know how to feel.
- I’ve been a really jealous person lately and I don’t like it.
- I wish I didn’t let my fears get the better of me.
- My heart has been hurting more than usual lately.
- I wish you would notice me.
- Sometimes I wonder if my friends really know me at all.
Pre-Easter Easter dinner. (Taken with instagram)
hey thats me up there
(From left to right, top to bottom)…Calin, Steph, Richie, Kasey, Kyra, Mike, Lauren, Drew, Randall, Gabby, (Me, Dylan, = the two big squares) Shannon & Seb.
These are some of my best friends, and they mean so much to me that they feel so much more to me than the word friend entails. They are my family and the people that make up my life. I love them more than they will ever know and I am so glad that I got to share our own Easter Dinner together the night before actual Easter.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
- Stop spending time with the wrong people.– Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
- Stop running from your problems.– Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
- Stop lying to yourself.– You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled
.
- Stop putting your own needs on the back burner.– The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
- Stop trying to be someone you’re not.– One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you likeeveryone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
- Stop trying to hold onto the past.– You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
- Stop being scared to make a mistake.– Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
- Stop berating yourself for old mistakes.– We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
- Stop trying to buy happiness.– Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
- Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness.– If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness
.
- Stop being idle.– Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
- Stop thinking you’re not ready.– Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
- Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons.– Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
- Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work.– In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
- Stop trying to compete against everyone else.– Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
- Stop being jealous of others.– Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
- Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself.– Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
- Stop holding grudges.– Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
- Stop letting others bring you down to their level.– Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
- Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others.– Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
- Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break.– The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
- Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments.– Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
- Stop trying to make things perfect.– The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done
.
- Stop following the path of least resistance.– Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
- Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t.– It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
- Stop blaming others for your troubles.– The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
- Stop trying to be everything to everyone.– Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
- Stop worrying so much.– Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
- Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen.– Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
- Stop being ungrateful.– No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.
Courtesy of Gabby & her stumbleupon’ing.
Fun times with best friends
Best friends
I took this picture, these are my friends.
and here’s a better one
HI, I had a good night with my friends, I had really missed them a lot. Now I’m home and going to bed. Goodnight tumblr!
xoxo, Jamie.
Today I woke up around 7am, the sun was shining and it seemed like it was going to be a beautiful day, so what do I do? Go back to bed. Around 10 I woke up to my mother in my room saying my sister was on the phone for me, considering she’s at school at this time I was slightly alarmed, especially after being startled awake.
I retrieve the phone from my mother, slightly annoyed that since this is my spring break I am being woken up. My sister speaks, “Do you have any idea what’s going on?” The only thing I can muster is, “What…No…?” She immediately tells me to check my phone, or twitter. Sure enough I look at it to see that I have over 20 texts, something must have happened.
The summary of the texts were “Have you heard about Ian, he passed away last night.”
Still on the phone with my sister, I hear her ask, “Is it true?” I can only muster the sound of a brief “yes” before being overwhelmed with tears streaming down my face. I hang up the phone, and let it really sink in.
How can this be…I start going through what I know. Ian is 22, he went to high school with me and we graduated the same year. We talked in the classes that we had, and even saw each other after school but were never that close. It wasn’t until 2 years later when I got twitter that I reconnected with him. I began to talk to him frequently from what was going on in our lives, to what he was going to get his girlfriend for christmas. Again, we lost touch. Then at a show that I attended I ran into him, again we began to talk. Anytime I was upset, he would text me to talk it out, making sure I was okay, even when no one else cared. The last time we talked was Saturday night.
Honestly, I’m still in shock hoping this is some cruel joke, but my heart tells me that it’s not. He’s gone.
Ian was too good for this earth, and honestly I’ve never met one person that had anything negative to say about him. He was sincere as sincere could be. He always put everyone else first. He actually cared about every single person he spoke to, always making sure they were okay. He was different because he was genuine and actually gave a shit. He tended to see the good in others, and could make even the most serious crack a smile and laugh. He was one of the good guys, and that’s putting in lightly. He had made such huge changes to feel better about himself, and he did. He was going to go so far in life, because he had passion and drive.He was so talented, and it is such a tragedy for us here because Ian could only make us better.
I don’t feel bad for him because I know if there is a heaven that’s where he is. I feel bad for everyone here, because without people like Ian we are nothing. I have never met anyone like Ian, and I probably never will because he was a rare bread. A good guy, I guess it’s true what they say “Only the good die young…”
Ian, you have made everyone who you’ve touched a better person just by being yourself. You made me a better person. I was just saying the other day how incredible you were, and I can only hope that everyone else knows that as well and your legacy will live on. Rest peacefully, I will always love and remember you.
That I’m not ready for this change.
Everyone was right, it happened a lot faster than I expected. It seemingly came out of nowhere, even though that’s not true. All this time I spent adjusting to a new life, becoming a different person, and now it will be expected that I retort to my old self. I finally came to the realization that I can’t do it.
There is no changing back. That old Jamie, she’s dead. I’m different, even if it’s not noticeable in public eye, I know I am. I can feel it.
I don’t know what this means for everything else, or even how to feel if it goes one way or another. I just don’t know.
However, I do know that I’m scared and unsure.
I do know that it is coming up fast, and there is nothing that I can do to slow it down.
And, I do know that nothing will be the same.
What can I say that hasn’t already been said? You are my absolute best friend in the whole entire world. I can remember begging mom to let me hold you and feed you your bottle before I went to pre-school, and now you’re an official adult. It’s crazy how fast time has gone by.
We are different in so many ways, but you are the only one who gets me completely, and the only one who will ever see the real me, and just get it. It’s so strange to me that we haven’t always been this close, because I can’t imagine my life without you. I know we always joke about how we were in school together or not related that we would probably not be friends, which I know to be true, so I’m so thankful you’re my sister.
You make me such a better person, and inspire me everyday. You are honest, sincere and beautiful. Wait did i say beautiful? I meant perfect ;) I hope that we can always act like 10 year olds around one another, making up raps, and having the coolest inside jokes (Oh, Torii Ellis, Trainer Joey touch my scapula, Just like every other girl). Our random code names, and dance parties will forever be some of my favorite moments. It doesn’t matter if I’m just sitting in your room watching you play video games, or if you’re being my shoulder to cry on. The fact of the matter is that I love getting to spend time with you, no matter what (sorry for the fannypack remark).
You have grown into someone I can be only proud of, and I am. I love you, and I hope you have a perfect birthday, because you deserve it. You deserve everything.
Now, I highly suggest that you all go wish Tyla a happy birthday as well.
I’m all warm and fuzzy inside.
Adding to the collection. I don’t think I could summarize this weekend up even if I tried. There were many mirror pics, lots of laughs, getting close to two amazing girls, inside jokes, random partys, and an all around perfect time. I’m so lucky to have the friends that I do.
Has never been something that I have excelled at.
Yes, I can be quite outspoken at times, and I can easily strike up a conversation, but when it comes to doing something that is unpredictable I normally tend to hold back. This normally results in me spending time alone, which I have no complaints about, but sometimes its pretty boring. I had told myself that with the start of the new year I would do new things. I wanted adventure, I wanted intrigue, to maybe take a trip or two. But, as we all know resolutions normally only last a month before we’re back to the same routine. Well, I’m no different.
Last week however I was presented with an opportunity of adventure. So I spent all week hemming and hawing thinking about what I should do. All of these what if’s came to mind, but none of them could justify a reason as to why I should turn down this offer. I have done too much of that, and this whole saying “no” thing has become quite dull.
So today, I put an end to that cycle and said “Yes” and you know what? I have never been more excited.
